I’m pretty sad about you leaving us, but I know that you’re ready to go to your new home.
I know that you will be with me after you’ve left this earthly existence, but I can’t help but want to hang on to you now. You’ve been the Matriarch of my family for longer than just the 44 years I’ve been around. My brother and sisters and my cousins will also attest, you’ve been such a huge influence on our lives and always had a positive impact on each one of us. You’ve been there for every birthday, holiday and major events in the comings and goings of each of our lives, and we’ll all be forever the better, as well as grateful for the time you spent with each one of us and with all of us.
I think of my life up until now, and I can’t imagine you not being there, somewhere… a phone call or a short trip away. I want you to know that I will grieve, but it isn’t for you, it’s for me. I’ll be relieved that you wont feel anymore pain, and I’ll be relieved that you’ll be in your forever home in the universe. I’ll be relieved that you’ll get to see Grandaddy again, I’ll be relieved that you’ll be so welcomed in your new home and that you’ll never want for anything until the end of time. I’ll carry my grief with me, and I’ll hold it near to my heart because thats what happens to love after someone makes their final journey to the other side; that love turns into something else, which from the outside looks painful, but it’s just how we carry it with us going forward. It’s only because we love you so damn much that we seem so pitiful now.
I’ll forever cherish the memories of my childhood, all the holidays at your house on Skippy. I don’t get out to that area much anymore, but whenever I do, I make sure to drive by the old house. I’ll never forget you entertaining all the grand children by taking us outside to “whoosh the birds,” and I’ll never forget how much you adored having birds in the trees at your house or anywhere else that you might have visited. I’ll never forget sitting on your lap or Grandaddy’s lap while one of you read “Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel” to me and my brother. I’ll never forget the ruckus we made banging on Tom’s drums in the attic. I’ll never forget playing on the intercom or that tile floor you had with extra large rug in the center of the room, or those blue cylindrical pillows that were as tall as me at that age, or the recliners that you and Grandaddy sat in. I’ll never forget when you’d tell me to… “stoop, and jump!!!!” so that I could see Tony’s red model car that you kept on your dresser. And I’ll never forget being that little boy crying your kitchen, mad as hell at my own mom for whatever toddlers get mad about, and your insistence that “little boys with cowboy boots don’t cry…”
Being born to the Tutt family, with you as the Matriarch, with you for MY Granny, has been such a blessing for me, and for all of your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. The lessons you imparted are now a part of me. The love you showed me helped me grow to be who I am today. I’m very glad you got to meet Nicole and I’m so glad she got to meet and get to know you. Things are going to continue on here, but it won’t be the same without you. Every thing changes the minute you leave us. It’s quite hard to imagine, however I have to keep reminding myself that you’re ready- that Grandaddy and BobbySue and Forrest and Alex and Treasure and Mama in Clarksdale will all be there in your new house with you, and that you’ve been surrounded by people you loved, and who loved you in return, all of your life, and you’ll be surrounded by people who love you in your new house.
You are a Daughter, a Sister, a Wife, a Mother, a grandmother and a great grandmother, and you are just a wonderfully fun and lovely person to be around. Your “sweet but with a sharp edge” attitude and wit always made me laugh, especially if you were laughing.
As I write this you’re laid up in the hospital and it’s Shannon’s 50th Birthday, October 17, 2024. I’m 44 year old, Jason is 46, Tony is, I believe, 48, Tommy is 43, Liz is 42 and all of Tom and Karen’s kids are somewhere in their 30’s, as is Megan at 32. I look at all of us now and see how far we’ve come, even me, even though I took little longer to get there. None us could have done it without you to inspire and guide us, to be the example which we’d follow for the rest of our days and which we’d leave as our legacy to our own children. It amazes me, honestly. But then I realize that you’re in your mid 90’s and I don’t want any more suffering of the body for you. You are welcomed home. You are the example that all of us and everyone should aspire to be… a life well lived. I love you.
~Kevin.